|As usual, God was sitting on His throne in Heaven listening to a backlog of prayers coming in from His children from all around the Universe. Millions upon millions of prayers arriving each second had kept God so occupied that He hadnt taken time to travel around the Heavens to relax and admire His great handiwork.
As more and more people were born, each one with a set of problems needing Gods help or attention He had less and less time to Himself, to contemplate the only mystery which was beyond even His omniscienceWhere did I come from? In order to contemplate that greatest of all mysteries God decided to turn His prayer works to some of His most loyal children. He told Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, Buddha, and some of His other kids that He was tired and needed to relax a little and visit some of His most beautiful works of the Creators art, and that they would have to take over while He was away.
God scratched His forehead, trying to remember which of all the billions of planets in the Universe was the most beautiful and where He could enter His wilderness to recharge His batteries. Suddenly He remembered that He had taken special efforts to make Planet Eden the most wonderful and beautiful of all. And not only was Planet Eden blessed by God with higher mountains, more species of birds and butterflies, and more colors in His wildflower creations than any other planet in the universe, it was on Eden that He created humans in His own image, for He felt like they would be the best stewards to preserve and protect His wonderful garden of plants and animals.
He remembered that shortly after placing humans on Eden, He had made some mistake in their construction for they lacked the gift of Ethics. He recalled how He sadly decided to start over and chose His most ethical child Noah to protect every species of Creation while He covered Eden with water to cleanse it of His children which had turned away from Him.
He smiled when He remembered how He had blessed Eden with some of His other wonderful children including His Son Jesus. But a tear came to His eye when He recalled how cruel some humans had been to His special child and had crucified Him out of spite and jealously. But He smiled to Himself again when He thought about Jesus being back home with Him for the last 2,000 years and was especially happy that Jesus had been enthusiastic about doing His prayer work while He was on vacation.
A beautiful comet was passing by at that moment, headed toward Earth, the name given to Planet Eden by humans. God hopped on and was thrilled at being able to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride through the heavens. How proud He was of the great beauties which He had created for the enjoyment of all of His creatures for all generations. Galaxies, suns, moons, planets, asteroids, shooting stars!!!! God had forgotten how wonderful it all was.
In a twinkling the comet was passing the gravitational pull of Earth. God hopped on a meteor which Edens gravity had pulled from the comets tail and which He knew would streak across the night sky before landing. As God hadnt personally visited Eden since the time He came to Earth to take His Son Jesus back home with Him, He really did not know how much styles had changed and only brought along His robe and sandals.
He had guided the meteor toward one of His greatest works of Creation where He knew He would be able to meditate in peacethe grove of Redwood trees He had planted the day His Son Jesus was born. When the meteor landed God was so tired He immediately lay down and went to sleep for the first time in a thousand years.
The first rays of the morning sun caressed His eyelids and God awoke, expecting to be surrounded by His Redwood trees which He had designed to reach heights of 400 feet at the age of 2,000 years. Instead, He found Himself in a thousand acre clear-cutnothing but stumps as far as the eye could see. God, stood on the highest stump to get His bearings and to try to figure out what phenomenon of nature He had designed which would have destroyed His beautiful forest.
At that moment, He heard a noise He had never heard before. It certainly wasnt the music made by one of His bird children. Smoke was belching out of a huge diesel truck speeding His way loaded down with the last of His giant Redwoods. When the loggers spied God on the stump they slowed down and shouted obscenities at Him, thinking that He was some kind of tree hugger or fern fondler. Goddamn hippies!!!, shouted one of the loggers. We ought to kill them all and let God sort em out, shouted another. If I ever see your enviro-ass in the woods, Ill chop a tree down on your ugly hairy head, shouted the third.
God could neither believe His eyes or His ears. What went wrong. These men are my children and I decreed that they and all their kin be stewards over all my Creation. They have destroyed my wonderful garden of Redwoods I planted in memory of my Son Jesus.
God began to cry.
The loggers, seeing the human figure which was actually God, crying, decided to get in one last lick before moving on toward the sawmill and then to the beer hall. Hurry up, and lets bash that crying queer, theres some hot bitches waiting and I got to go to church with my wife at 7. Ill bet that puke aint took a bath in a month. Lets pull that stupid robe off that commie fag.
They surrounded the stump with their chain saws running, hoping to terrorize the enviro-freak. When they saw God rise above the stump and take the form of an eagle they dropped their saws in disbelief for they were sore afraid.
God then decided to remain as an eagle to survey Eden and to find a place to rest and meditate. Sick at heart He soared higher and higher. His skies were no longer blue. They had turned gray with smog and God choked attempting to breathe. Where He had created crystal clear spring fed streams and filled them with millions of fish to feed His Native America children, now only muddy lifeless puddles remained. Where He had planted great gardens of wildflowers He found only concrete, plastic trash, strip malls and gridlock.
God flew around and around what had been His greatest work of art, looking for remnants of Eden and God cried for Eden was lost and in its place He surveyed a world teeming with heartless people engaged in war, terror, child abuse, and greedily consuming what was left of Creation. Eden lost, Eden lost, Eden lost, He kept repeating to Himself as His heart broke at the sight.
He decided to go back home to Heaven and take up His heavy burden once more. God gave one glance back while flying over East Texas and much to His surprise and great joy He spied a tiny remnant of Eden which was much as He had created it. Although His Holy Trinity River had been dammed up, flooding His great bottomland forest, the shores were teeming with herons, egrets, pelicans and eagles.
The eagles, immediately feeling the presence of God rose up to accompany Him as He found a huge ancient pine on which to perch. God was pleased. He felt at home and at peace in this beautiful example of His handiwork. He spent an entire week soaring about with His eagle children before returning to Heaven. They had given Him encouragement about the future of Eden where until then He had lost all hope.
The eagles told Him about a new church in which His human children promised to be the stewards of Creation which God had ordained all of His human children to be. The members of this church promised to show their honor, respect, and thanks to God for His great gift of fresh air, pure water, beautiful forests filled with myriad birds, and prairies carpeted with His wildflowers teeming with butterflies, by helping God protect and preserve remnants of Eden as Wilderness Cathedrals for all generations.
Satisfied that at least a few remnants of His Planet Eden would be protected until His next vacation in a couple of thousand years, God transformed Himself into a beautiful Julia Butterfly and spiraled up toward Heaven on a moonbeam after having watched the glory of one last sunset.
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